God is in control.

Today was one of those days where I felt so overwhelmed and discouraged by thinking about the future.  One of those days where I realize how thankful I am that God is in control of all things and that I am not.  Luke and Katie Skeen, who are the directors of the Navigators at FSU, went up in front of Nav night to tell everyone that they are leaving staff and going to seminary.  I knew this way before tonight, but this is the first time I had heard them say it publicly and it was just really sad.  I mean Luke and Katie have impacted the past couple of years of my life so much and I am just so thankful for them.  Then Kyle and Nicki who are also a great couple that have impacted my life are coming back to FSU to be the directors.

Then I started thinking about how I"m graduating and how I won't be involved in the ministry next year.  It's so crazy how life changes and how hard it can be.  I mean I have been ready to graduate from school for awhile, but I'm not ready to leave my friends and the things that I have been a part of.  However, I know that change and transition are good because they ultimately drive us to see our need for God, rely on Him, and trust Him.  

So after that we had a guest speaker talk about missions and being an ambassador for Christ.  He talked about how God doesn't have to use us, but He wants to.  God has a plan for my life and has works planned in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10).  This past semester I have been reading a book called "Decision Making by the Book" and it talks about God's sovereign, moral, and individual will.  This is a very appropriate subject considering I am about to enter a phase of life that has a lot of unknowns and is going to require a lot of trusting.  

This past semester I applied to be a team leader at STP this summer, however after seeking the Lord's guidance and having to make a decision, I decided to not go.  This was a very hard decision for me because I have a desire to pass what God has taught me on to other women and just because STP's are a lot of fun.  However, I made a decision and I am going to trust God with it.  At Nav night, however there were some things that were being said that made me second guess my decision.  I just felt really confused and frustrated.  So I went out to my car and balled my eyes out for about an hour.  I was frustrated, discouraged, and kind of angry.  I was praying in frustration because I don't know what God wants me to do and I don't feel led in any particular direction.  I want God's will to be played out in my life and I want what He wants.  I want to be what He created me to be and where He ordained me to be.  I think one of the most encouraging things is that NO ONE can thwart God's will.  God will accomplish what He has planned to do and I cannot do anything to get in the way of it.  I'm not powerful enough, no one or nothing is powerful enough to do that.  So when it comes down to it, I just have to trust God.  God, who is the Creator of the universe, who has all authority in heaven and on earth, and who has all wisdom and understanding, that is who I'm putting my trust in.  I shouldn't feel discouraged or fearful because just like God always has, He will provide for me.

Yes, transitions are hard.  I haven't even graduated yet...can't really imagine what this year is going to look like, but I do know that I will be faced with hard things.  Yet I think that God created transitions in our lives because they make us trust Him.  When we find ourselves in comfortable situations we don't see our need for God as clearly as we do when we are placed in situations outside our comfort zone.   That is when we begin to really trust in God and put our faith in Him.  So although, I am nervous about the future, I am thankful for it because I will get to experience my Father.  God is in control.

Here is the good part of the story.  So for awhile now I have been planning on staying in Cary, NC with my sister, brother in-law, and my three nephews for the month of May after graduation.  So today I called Heather to talk about details when I was walking home from class, however she didn't answer.  So then she called me back while I was at Nav night.  I noticed that I had missed a call from her.  So I called her back and it was the most encouraging conversation.  She was talking about how excited they were about me coming to stay with them and how her and Todd, both, just feel a lot of peace about me coming.  They are hoping that coming to stay with them will be a blessing.  She just encouraged me that just because I'm not doing an STP, doesn't mean that I can't serve and minister to the people around me.  Needless to say, God is good.  I felt like that was an ordained conversation and now I feel at peace with the decisions I have made.  I am trusting in an all powerful God who knows the end from the beginning and has ordained every single day of my life.  He is good.