God is in control.

Today was one of those days where I felt so overwhelmed and discouraged by thinking about the future.  One of those days where I realize how thankful I am that God is in control of all things and that I am not.  Luke and Katie Skeen, who are the directors of the Navigators at FSU, went up in front of Nav night to tell everyone that they are leaving staff and going to seminary.  I knew this way before tonight, but this is the first time I had heard them say it publicly and it was just really sad.  I mean Luke and Katie have impacted the past couple of years of my life so much and I am just so thankful for them.  Then Kyle and Nicki who are also a great couple that have impacted my life are coming back to FSU to be the directors.

Then I started thinking about how I"m graduating and how I won't be involved in the ministry next year.  It's so crazy how life changes and how hard it can be.  I mean I have been ready to graduate from school for awhile, but I'm not ready to leave my friends and the things that I have been a part of.  However, I know that change and transition are good because they ultimately drive us to see our need for God, rely on Him, and trust Him.  

So after that we had a guest speaker talk about missions and being an ambassador for Christ.  He talked about how God doesn't have to use us, but He wants to.  God has a plan for my life and has works planned in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10).  This past semester I have been reading a book called "Decision Making by the Book" and it talks about God's sovereign, moral, and individual will.  This is a very appropriate subject considering I am about to enter a phase of life that has a lot of unknowns and is going to require a lot of trusting.  

This past semester I applied to be a team leader at STP this summer, however after seeking the Lord's guidance and having to make a decision, I decided to not go.  This was a very hard decision for me because I have a desire to pass what God has taught me on to other women and just because STP's are a lot of fun.  However, I made a decision and I am going to trust God with it.  At Nav night, however there were some things that were being said that made me second guess my decision.  I just felt really confused and frustrated.  So I went out to my car and balled my eyes out for about an hour.  I was frustrated, discouraged, and kind of angry.  I was praying in frustration because I don't know what God wants me to do and I don't feel led in any particular direction.  I want God's will to be played out in my life and I want what He wants.  I want to be what He created me to be and where He ordained me to be.  I think one of the most encouraging things is that NO ONE can thwart God's will.  God will accomplish what He has planned to do and I cannot do anything to get in the way of it.  I'm not powerful enough, no one or nothing is powerful enough to do that.  So when it comes down to it, I just have to trust God.  God, who is the Creator of the universe, who has all authority in heaven and on earth, and who has all wisdom and understanding, that is who I'm putting my trust in.  I shouldn't feel discouraged or fearful because just like God always has, He will provide for me.

Yes, transitions are hard.  I haven't even graduated yet...can't really imagine what this year is going to look like, but I do know that I will be faced with hard things.  Yet I think that God created transitions in our lives because they make us trust Him.  When we find ourselves in comfortable situations we don't see our need for God as clearly as we do when we are placed in situations outside our comfort zone.   That is when we begin to really trust in God and put our faith in Him.  So although, I am nervous about the future, I am thankful for it because I will get to experience my Father.  God is in control.

Here is the good part of the story.  So for awhile now I have been planning on staying in Cary, NC with my sister, brother in-law, and my three nephews for the month of May after graduation.  So today I called Heather to talk about details when I was walking home from class, however she didn't answer.  So then she called me back while I was at Nav night.  I noticed that I had missed a call from her.  So I called her back and it was the most encouraging conversation.  She was talking about how excited they were about me coming to stay with them and how her and Todd, both, just feel a lot of peace about me coming.  They are hoping that coming to stay with them will be a blessing.  She just encouraged me that just because I'm not doing an STP, doesn't mean that I can't serve and minister to the people around me.  Needless to say, God is good.  I felt like that was an ordained conversation and now I feel at peace with the decisions I have made.  I am trusting in an all powerful God who knows the end from the beginning and has ordained every single day of my life.  He is good.  

Rescued

 Well graduation is quickly approaching.  In 36 days, I will be completely done with my undergrad at Florida State.  Crazy! The past 4 years have FLOWN by!  Lately, I have been reflecting and reminiscing about these last few years of my life.  Naturally, the fact that I'm graduating has stirred up some emotions, some happy and some sad.  However, I think the emotion that I am feeling the most is thankfulness.  I am so grateful for how God has used my college experience to draw me near to Him.  This is the reason for why I am blogging.  I wanted to tell others about how God has radically transformed my life.

  Three short years ago, I was a freshman trying to decide if I should attend a Summer Training Program (STP)  in Branson, MO with the campus ministry, The Navigators.  STP is a 9 week program offered to college students who want to deepen their relationship with Christ and want to grow in sharing their faith with others.  Let's just cut to the chase and say that I ended up going....and the only way I can explain why is because of God's grace and mercy in my life.  

ok...now let's back up a bit...

I came to college as an insecure 17 year old expecting a different experience than what I got.  I came to college wanting to meet new people and form a new identity than the one I had in high school.  I wanted people to like me and I wanted to have lots of friends.  I would do whatever it took to get people's approval, even things that I knew were wrong.  I was trying to find complete satisfaction in things that ultimately would never satisfy me.  I was finding my identity and my sense of worth in people's opinions about me.  However, people never filled that longing of wanting to be accepted, loved, and valued.  

There was a point in the fall semester of my freshman year, that I felt unhappy, guilty, and depressed.  I distinctively remember praying that God would give me a desire to know Him.  Although, I wanted a desire, I didn't have one and it was hard for me to choose Him over following the crowd.  So I started praying and not only for a desire, but also for friends.  Friends who knew Jesus and were following Him.  My sister, Hope was a junior at FSU and was involved with the Navigators.  She invited me a couple of times and I would go with her, but I felt insecure.  People are hard-core living for Jesus and here I am living a double-sided life.  Well December comes around and my sister asked me if I wanted to read the Bible with her and I said yes.  So spring semester comes and goes and people are making summer plans.  Well  I told Hope that if I went back to Orlando for the summer, I probably would backtrack in any growth that I experienced that semester. Hope was going to STP to be a team leader and she encouraged me to go and be a team member.  I immediately said no.  I didn't know anyone really well in Navs so why would I want to go spend a whole summer with them?

Well somehow I ended up going.  Let's just say, God used that summer to reveal Himself to me and to reveal His love for me.  A key verse from that summer was Zephaniah 3:17.

The Lord your God is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with His love,

He will rejoice over you with singing.

Wow!  What a great God!  He loves me enough to send His Son to die on the cross for me so that I can  have eternal life and I can have a relationship with Him.  I no longer looked at the Bible as a boring book, but as the living, active Word of God.  As I said earlier, I prayed for friends.  Well, God provided plenty of friends and I didn't have to do anything for them to like me.  They loved me for me, who God created me to be.  Summer of 2008, was the summer that God radically changed my life.  God loves me, accepts me, and values me.  I realized that only God can fulfill the deepest longings of my soul and I realized that I wanted to serve Him. 

-Psalm 40:1-3 was my key verse from that summer- God has lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire and has given me a firm place to stand.  Rescued.  God has rescued me out of the dominion of darkness and has brought me into the Light. 

Ever since that summer, God has continued to grow me and transform me into a vessel for His kingdom.  I am so grateful that God has called me to be His daughter!  By His grace, He saves...praise Him!